I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
