She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
