Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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