And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
