i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
