Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
