Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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