Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
