do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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