i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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