if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
