it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
