I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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