The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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