he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
