I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
