Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
