Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
