I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
