I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
