If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize