I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize