Swine flu. Run for my life!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
