Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
