So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize