I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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