I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize