You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's blow job season.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
