dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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