i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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