just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
