Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
