I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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