Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
