is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
