I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
