well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
try to milk me bitch
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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