fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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