I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
