Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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