god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
