Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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