I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
