there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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