she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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