It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
