i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
