I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You can't motorboat a personality
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
