there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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