Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
