What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
