This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
