I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
