i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
