May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Houston, we have a blender
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
