i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
40s are totally the cure
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
