What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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