there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
