I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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