there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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