my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
