I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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