This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
