apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
