yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
