i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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