Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
